The adventures of die! An idiot thief
by Shadow Scrolls
Summary: Die, the guitarist of Dir en grey has found himself as a Pokemon thief in order to get back home. This can't possibly be good. This was not made to insult anyone or anything.


I'm Kage Kitsune and I co-authored this one with my best friend ever who's probably destined to be my number one enemy in a few years. Why? Because I tend to forget to do normal things like eat….and sleep…and she'll be screaming at me to do that stuff. Not that I mind, but at the point of that exchange taking place, yes, I will. Than after that I'll end up thanking her as always. Ignoring that!

This is a parody, a mixture of Dir en grey and Pokemon. Don't even ask how this got started. One day we were just joking around about Die and than before we knew it, he was a thief who….well he's an idiot. Of course Die isn't. We both love Dir en grey very much. They're the best band out there and I hope they take over the world! Consider this as a bit of pay back Die for all the jokes you play on the rest of the band. :Grins evilly: Of course, he won't ever know this thing exists so I doubt we have to worry about that.

**Writer**: Kage

**Co-Author helper of ideas and such**: Korbin

**Warnings: **Shonen ai no doubt…I don't think it'll be to strong, mostly just thoughts on it. There won't be any actual kissing or anything, just Die making a fool of himself as he hits on girls while pretending they're Shinya…Don't ask. (SORRY SHINYA AND SHINYA LOVERS!)

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Pokemon aka Pocket Monsters, nor do we own Dir en grey. Ahh, but wouldn't it be nice if we could run off and kidnap them or own them….y'know. Someone gets them once a day….hmm….Okay y'know what. I'm going to just ignore that and go on with the story. I also don't own the Pokemon theme song…that I just thought would be a lot of fun to put in here, because I bet it's over used galore and, because well…in this fic, Die's an idiot.

**Notes: **I am in NO way insulting Dir en grey or Pokemon. I happen to like both. I liked the games…and I was a normal at the Pokemon trading card game for awhile. I got my first set of badges and than also than the next one from Johto arc before it died. I have to admit though new Pokemon episodes bug me a bit…they're…just odd. Bottom line. And repetitive. Dir en grey is never repetitive yay! Both Korbin…..well wait. I don't know if Korbin likes Pokemon. Yeah, she likes the old ones, new ones bug her to. And we both love Diru with a passion so yes. I want no flames for any of this. Not Shonen ai thoughts, not for Diru insults because we're trying to insult them, we're just having fun with them, and not Pokemon. Thank you.

**(X) **Is Pov and or time jump

Chapter, 1: To steal a Pokemon

"So what are you playing now," Kaoru asked sitting down next to Die. He had a game cube in front of him, controller in hand.

"Pokemon Coliseum."

Kaoru stared at him for a few minutes.

"You're stealing Pokemon?"

"………no."

"You are to."

"Am not."

"Sure you're not. Stop stealing things and get ready, we have to get our makeup done for the concert," he said smirking and stood up. He walked past Die's eye view for the game on purpose forcing him to pause it.

"Think you know everything just because you're the un appointed leader. YEAH WELL SHINYA BEATS YOU ANYDAY!"

"Shut up you," Shinya said out of no where throwing a book at Die's head from the hall. Die groaned falling over and quickly hitting pause.

"It was a compliment!"

"Shut up and get ready."

**(X)**

Die blinked walking out of the bar. For the most part he had controlled himself this time, sort of. He'd only have 10 beers instead of his usual 15 and was still actually sober. He could hold his beer well.

"Hmm. I could go home and pretend to be drunk, call one of the members…but they'll kill me than for--"

His words were cut off as someone came behind him and forced a gag into his mouth. Normally he would have been able to defend himself; he was after all trained in Kendo and did a lot of sports. However, Die was drunk and therefore, not smart.

The figure behind him drop kicked him sending the poor guitarist into the ground groaning. They tied the gag by his mouth, wrapped the rope around his wrist and than everything were black.

**(X)**

Ash sat at on the edge of a log inside one of the many forest within his world reading a small book. It was a nice forest, quiet for the most part filled with Pokemon that for once, weren't trying to kill him. It was a new record.

"Heh, hey Pikachu," Ash said smiling. His yellow electric mouse Pokemon had climbed up onto his shoulder and was looking down at the book in his hands. "It's a trainer's guide. Professor Oak threw it at me as I was walking out," he rubbed his head from the memory.

Pikachu laughed a bit climbing onto Ash's head onto his hat. Ash was laughing to and than stood up smirking. He lifted his hand out that was holding the book pointing out towards some of the tree.

"Come on Pikachu, I told Misty and Brock I'd be back for lunch. So let's get some food," he screamed happily. Pikachu threw one of his arms up into the air and yelled.

"PIKACHU!"

Ash grinned and started running down one of the paths only to slam face first into a sheet of badly painted metal. It was supposed to be camouflaged to fit right in with the leaves, but the artist obviously couldn't paint worth the crap and Ash just wasn't bright enough to notice.

**I want to be the very best **

**That no one ever was (ever was ever was)**

He fell backwards onto his back groaning, Pikachu flying off and landing on the ground next to his head. The thief, a tall teen with blood red hair and brown eyes snatched Pikachu before it could regain its senses and started running.

Ash instantly noticed Pikachu was missing and jumped to his feet.

"Hey! That's mine you thief! Give him back," he screamed running after the guy who'd just stolen his Pikachu. He tried to pick up his speed, but somehow this guy was a whole lot faster than he was.

**To catch them is my real test**

**To train them is my cause**

"PIKACHU," Ash screamed. "THUNDER SHOCK!"

The thief looked nervously over at the yellow mouse in his hands and just about when it looked like the Pokemon was going to shock him and he was going to do something about it, he tripped slamming the Pokemon face first into the ground landing on top of it.

Pikachu immediately sent a shock wave through the thief's body who jerked a few times before the mouse ran out of energy. He coughed up some smoke and rubbed his eyes grabbing the small pokemon out from under him.

"Uh-oh…..I hope I didn't kill it…"

**My whole life was meant for this,**

**Time to test my skills**

"PIIIIIIIKAAACCHHUUU!"

The thief's head jerked back to where Ash had to be coming and he picked Pikachu up and darted off farther into the forest. He cursed his luck coming to the edge of a cliff and closed his eyes jumping over the edge of it.

He slid down badly tumbling and hitting his head again and again as he went down. Before he made it to the bottom his jeans and white t-shirt were completely torn to shreds and his body had obtained a good deal of bruises and cuts.

"PIKACHU! BITE HIM!"

The thief looked down at the pokemon who looked like it was in no shape to do anything, but lay there and started running again. He doubted the trainer would go down the cliff after him. Than again, the thief had been stupid enough to do it and if the trainer had been stupid enough to run into that sorry excuse for a fake tree…

He cursed watching the trainer slide down the cliff and tried to figure out his path to go after him.

**I know I just can't miss **

**Wanna show the world**

The thief dove into the forest on this level. The rustling of the trees caught ash's attention and he ran in after him.

'No one takes my best friend,' he said to himself running faster. 'Pikachu I swear I'll get you--'

"AHHHHHHHHHH!" Ash flew face first down a steeper part of the cliff tumbling and screaming as he went.

The thief frowned hearing the screams and than a loud crash.

"I didn't want to kill him," he muttered looking back down at the Pikachu. "…But you look half dead to so I guess--" he screamed as Pikachu shocked him with the last of its remaining energy.

**Born to be a winner **

**Born to be a champion**

The thief groaned a bit and fell over still holding onto the pokemon.

"Okay, this isn't as easy as that guy said, but I need to find a way to get back home," he muttered pulling Pikachu close to him so it couldn't run away while he was blacked out. "I just want to go home, why do I have to steal a pokemon to go home, seems so stupid…"

**Born to be a winner, born to be the very best**

**(poke---)**

"FOR CRYING OUT LOUD," he screamed ripping his earphones off and flipping off the CD. It was really beginning to get on his nerves. He was awake now though with no thoughts of blacking out now and decided he'd have to go and buy Pikachu a healing potion.

Sighing he stood up and still holding the mouse close, which was probably a really bad idea, he walked on hoping he wouldn't randomly pass out at any given second.

**(X)**

**So you wanna--**

"That's it," Die grabbed the CD player out of his pocket and threw it onto the ground. He slammed his foot on it breaking it in one go and headed towards the poke mart. "If this one doesn't have potions I'm going to burn it down," he muttered. He blinked a bit and frowned. "Crap that was Kaoru's walkmen…..oh well."

He walked into the Poke mart staggering horribly and leans on the counter glaring up at the shop owner.

"I need a potion…..badly."

"Potions don't work on humans boy,--"

"Not for me," he growled pointing to the Pikachu in his arms. "For the Pikachu."

"Oh sorry," the elder man chuckled and took a potion down from off the shelf. "That'll be 200g."

Die stood there twitching a bit.

'200g, he's got to be kidding. That guy didn't give me any money at all, he just kicked me out the door after saying I had to get this Pikachu if I wanted to go back home…..this isn't even supposed to be real!'

"If you don't have any money, than you need to go to the Pokemon center. They'll heal it right up, free of charge."

"Thanks," Die muttered staggering back out and heading for the Pokemon center. He was about to walk in through the doors when he realized healing the freakin thing would cause a lot of suspicion. First off, he didn't have any Pokeballs at all. And once the Pikachu was healed, that'd be it. It'd fight to the end again to get back to its other trainer.

"Guess I'll have to find some other way.."

Sighing he walked back into the first and tried to remember some of his classes from school and healing herbs.

"……."

'Crap.'

He glared down at the Pikachu and than looked back to the town where the pokemon center was. If Pikachu wasn't healed soon he'd probably drop dead before he ever got it back to the guy.

Sighing once again he stood up and started walking towards the building.

"I swear if you turn me in mouse I will eat you for dinner," he threatened as he walked in.

"Welcome to the…oh my god what did you do," nurse joy shrieked seeing the way both him and Pikachu looked. "You both looked like you were beaten up by thugs!"

"Yeah…it was a pretty bad thug,"

'Stupid cliff,' he growled to himself.

"Can you help my Pikachu?"

"Of course! Right away!"

She yanked the Pikachu out of Die's hands before his mind could even register the "yes" and nearly fell down flat on his face. He caught himself at the last minute though by grabbing onto the counter.

He looked around and saw a lot of other trainers around and felt completely out of place. In Pokemon Coliseum you were stealing pokemon to help them, not to take them away from their good rightful trainers. And here he was, doing just that.

'I know this is going to be the end of me,' he thought to himself.

"Excuse me."

Die nearly jumped out of his skin when the voice cut into his thoughts. He opened his eyes and looked over to nurse Joy who had returned at some point.

"Yeah?"

"There's a room down the hall just there, "she said pointing to it. "You can go and get some new clothes and something to eat. You do look like you've been through a lot," he said smiling sadly.

Die felt even more guilty, but nodded knowing that he couldn't do a thing about this he just had to grit his teeth and bare it.

"Thanks," he said smiling brightly and headed for the room. Nurse Joy nearly fainted seeing how gorgeous he looked smiling and watched him the whole time until he was in the room.

"I hope he stays around for awhile," she said happily as her assistant walked in.

"Chansey!"

"Yes, he is very good looking," she said blushing a bit and laughing.

**TBC**

Ouch…this first chapter didn't go as well as I'd hoped. Oh well, the next chapter should be better. I should probably stick to Harry Potter, Kingdom Hearts, and Candidate for the Goddess….eh anyway. I hope those who read it at least enjoyed it a bit and have a nice day and good luck and times until the next chapter if you stick around. ( I can't blame you for wanting to run. ) Ja ne until than!


End file.
